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The Pain of Remembering After a Loss

Maybe he understood for the first time that to the boy he was himself an alien. A being from a planet that no longer existed. The tales of which were suspect. He could not construct for the child’s pleasure the world he’d lost without constructing the loss as well and he thought perhaps the child has known this better than he. He tried to remember the dream but he could not. All that was left was the feeling of it. He thought perhaps they’d come to warn him. Of what? That he could not enkindle in the heart of the child what was ashes in his own. Even now some part of him wished they’d never found this refuge. Some part of him always wished it to be over.

— Cormac McCarthy, The Road (New York: Vintage Books, 2006).

Ryan serves as a pastor at Grace Bible Church. His ministry ranges from preaching, teaching, and writing, to listening, being present, and walking with others through some of life’s most difficult experiences.

He lives with his wife and children in Escondido, California.

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